The following is rated pg-13 for adult language

I’m fully prepared to say right here and right now that I probably need glasses. And I’m pretty sure that I’ve admitted to seeing “animals” on and near the trail as I’m running. But today was a stellar day in the “holy shit! what is that?” department.

At about mile 2 or so, I look down the trail and what do I see but a komodo dragon! A fucking komodo dragon! (I’m sure this idea is in my head because of a story a co-worker was telling me yesterday about a giant lizard her son had as a pet. This lizard went on walks on a leash around the neighborhood. It was allowed to live in her house until it lunged at her husband and tried to eat him. Her husband, very wisely I believe, banished this monster from their home.) So I’m all, “Now why did I leave the pepper spray in the van? How did a komodo dragon get to suburban St. Louis? Can I outrun it? Wasn’t there a Johnny Quest episode with a komodo dragon?” And by the time I’ve thought all of that, I’m close enough to see that it is, in fact, not a komodo dragon, but a largish log sitting on its 4 prongy leg-like limbs. Ah, the relief. Ah the laughter! Oh ho ho! Hoo boy! How silly of me to think that the log was a man-eating reptile!

I continue on, smiling at myself for being so unbelievably silly! When what shows up on the trail ahead of me but an armadillo! But this time I’m prepared. I tell myself that I need to make an appointment with the eye doctor as soon as I get home. But then I get distracted by the thought of having to wear glasses while I run and how obnoxious that would be. And did I want to try to put contacts in? I get all freaked out about putting stuff on my eyeball. Yeeeks! And while I’m busy thinking all this, I run right up on the armadillo. A real live, dinosaur-looking, freakazoid armadillo! It starts running, I start yelling. It was a laugh riot for those who may have been watching. Those things can run too. Don’t think they can’t.

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